Happy Birthday to Padre
Love your son, John
(Sung to the tune of I’m Going To Hire A Wino)
I’m gonna hire Michael to decorate our home
So you’ll feel more at ease here and you won’t need to roam
With bluegrass, country, folk and blues - all the music you can stand
Maybe you’ll take out that ‘ol banjo and join up with the band
There’ll be hookups for the power washer in every single room
So when it’s time to clean things you won’t need no broom
And dear ‘ol Mr Radio will sing his l’il heart out
As you do your yard work, plant the garden,
Clean the boat and walk about
Doorways will be customized like your flashy, fancy cars
Just one push on a button and they’ll open near and far
The Jag, the Porsche, the Viper and now the Lexus, too
It might not fit in your garage, but a Hummer’s next for you
The air you breathe into your nose will be carefully controlled
With just the right humidity, so there won’t be no mold
The days and nights of suffering from allergies and snot
Are forever washed away with a of snort from neti pot
Once a week they’ll send a van to fill the licorice stash
And on the way back out, they’ll take out all yer trash
The freezer will be fitted with the answer to your dreams
Unlimited production of OBMB ice cream
Your bedspread will be replaced by a windsurfer sail
And when you go to walk around, you’ll leave a water trail
In the closet you may find that your double-breasted’s gone
So stretch it out, zip it up, and put your wetsuit on
The basement walls will be torn down, put a big screen in its place
So you see all the action of explosions in outer space
You’ll see all your favorite actors as they shoot the bad guys down
‘Cos you’ve got the largest movie theater anywhere in town
And of all the alterations that anyone might perform
I think you will agree from in your house so warm
That the greatest decorations and architectural touch
Are just your friends and family who love you oh so much.
